Crisis of confidence

I’ve been solely responsible for the ponies for over three months now. Initially high on adrenaline I felt fearless and confident. I had worked out a routine that fitted around my home life and all seemed to be ticking along nicely.  There were a few teething problems, for example, a bit of nudging, barging, and encroaching on my personal space but I put these issues down to my inexperience and the ponies and I getting to know one another.

These minor niggles, however, started to occur more frequently and I began to get anxious each time I went to the field.  I knew I’d be faced with the ponies either jostling for my attention or their breakfast, or getting ready to try and escape as I entered the paddock. I tried various strategies, for example, waving my hands to move them on, using a commanding voice (not sure the ponies were convinced), tapping the gate handle towards them and I even tried shouting (something I’m not keen on) but nothing really worked.

“Make yourself appear big and confident” that’s what all the literature says and that’s the advice given by my horsey friends. In my head it made sense but self doubt had set in. Looking after the ponies and the kids on my own was challenging and at times impossible. When things didn’t go according to plan I just couldn’t see any solution to the problems objectively, I started to believe I just couldn’t do it.

Simple tasks like leading and bringing the ponies in for grooming became problematic. Sometimes the ponies would stop dead in their tracks and just refuse to move or they would try and go at their own pace down the lane which was scary when you’re holding onto the lead rope.

Quote of the month

“The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude to the problem.” Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean.