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Crisis of confidence

Phil (husband): “This post isn’t particularly up beat, is it?”

Me: “No it isn’t but I wanted to write an honest account, warts and all.”

I’ve been solely responsible for the ponies for over three months now. Initially high on adrenaline I felt fearless and confident. I had worked out a routine that fitted around my home life and all seemed to be ticking along nicely.  There were a few teething problems, for example, a bit of nudging, barging, and encroaching on my personal space but I put these issues down to my inexperience and the ponies and I getting to know one another.

These minor niggles, however, started to occur more frequently and I began to get anxious each time I went to the field.  I knew I’d be faced with the ponies either jostling for my attention or their breakfast, or getting ready to try and escape as I entered the paddock. I tried various strategies, for example, waving my hands to move them on, using a commanding voice (not sure the ponies were convinced), tapping the gate handle towards them and I even tried shouting (something I’m not keen on) but nothing really worked.

“Make yourself appear big and confident” that’s what all the literature says and that’s the advice given by my horsey friends. In my head it made sense but self doubt had set in. Looking after the ponies and the kids on my own was challenging and at times impossible. When things didn’t go according to plan I just couldn’t see any solution to the problems objectively, I started to believe I just couldn’t do it.

Simple tasks like leading and bringing the ponies in for grooming became problematic. Sometimes the ponies would stop dead in their tracks and just refuse to move or they would try and go at their own pace down the lane which was scary when you’re holding onto the lead rope.

My physical health started to suffer, I wasn’t sleeping well and I would worry all day about how to handle the ponies. This went on for about a month until one weekend I’d reached breaking point. Flood of tears were unleashed on Kim but in true Kim style she wasn’t phased and calmed me down. We talked through the issues and broke down each tasks into small doable nuggets. Kim reminded me of the importance of enjoying the ponies company something I had forgotten amidst my obsession with getting things just right and my overwhelming sense of failure.

Now when it comes to handling the ponies my aim is to end each interaction on a positive, this helps me stay grounded and reminds me why I started fostering rescue ponies in the first place.

Quote of the month

“The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude to the problem.” Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean.

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Cutting the apron strings

We’re seven months into fostering. Kim has done a sterling job in settling the ponies and helping me  section off the field.  She has shown me how to bring the ponies in, groom and check them. Over the last few months I’ve started to take on more of the day to day jobs. Kim’s increasingly busy life has meant she has less spare time so the moment I’ve tried to avoid has arrived. I have to step up and take responsibility of the ponies.  This is what I had been working towards, part of me was excited but I was also petrified. I knew I could go to Kim if I got myself into a pickle but I was determined to show her, my family and friends and most importantly to prove to myself that I could do it and I wouldn’t buckle under the pressure.

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The first winter

The muddy swamp that is the field has finally dried up, so work begins on repairing the sacrificed paddock and learning from what went wrong after our first winter with the foster ponies. You might be thinking I’m nuts, wanting to prepare for next winter even before summer has arrived but I really don’t want a repeat of last winter.

Just to recap. I spent most of it trawling through the mud with my wheelbarrow poo picking, while others had accepted they couldn’t poo pick any longer, I kept going. I think this is when I realised my obsession with horse poo. I have devoted a whole post to it and affectionately named it BROWN GOLD. I’m sure you’re (not) going to be excited to read it.

I admit I wasn’t in the best physical shape with 2 under twos and I’d never done this kind of work before so every part of my body was either in constant pain or screaming in agony. I spent many hours wishing someone would concrete the whole damn field so I wouldn’t have to drag my sorry self around it.  I felt I had made the biggest mistake taking on this project, my dream was not suppose feel like this but I didn’t dare tell anyone, I couldn’t bear the look of I told you so.

To top the physical exhaustion I can’t count the number of times I fell in the mud because I lost my footing, the wheelbarrow got stuck and on three occasions I remember it like it was yesterday being pushed or nudged, call it what you will by the cheeky one (Oreo).

Trying to haul myself out with nothing to grip onto was not a pretty sight, I’m only thankful that no one was around to see this spectacle. To add insult to injury, I was greeted with laughter when relaying my mishap to my not so dearest husband.

Anyway, what have I learnt from my first winter with the ponies. Muddy and clay fields are a nightmare! And it is true, what doesn’t break you makes you stronger. So the main problems identified were access, muddy gates and a water log out-building. Our strategy was to reconfigure the field. Currently the field was  divided into two sections. Kim came up with a plan which meant splitting the field into 5 paddocks with a middle lane and gates adjoining each paddock.

The thought behind this layout was to:-
Prevent or minimise the main gateway and lane getting muddy and waterlogged
Make the field and boundary accessible and safe for kids, family and friends
Allow paddocks to rest and be repaired
Be able to move ponies around so they didn’t get bored, they could graze more effectively and always be turned out or into a poo free paddock
Provide a safe and separated paddock for newbie ponies

Over 100 posts needed to be bashed in and around 200 pegs needed screwing. This was a mammoth task which we aimed to complete in half a day. Work started at 9am. Once again our (Phil and I) naivety shone through. We didn’t think of the simple things like how were we going to get the 100 posts around the paddock, screwing 200 pegs by hand was not only tiring but time consuming. Fortunately Kim and Dean saved the day by bringing the appropriate tools and work finished around 1pm. My 3 Superheros (Captain Kim and her faithful right hand men DIY Dean and Gadget Phil) did a magnificent job. Well done, dinner was on me.

Footnote:  I was broken mentally and physically during the first winter with the ponies.  I have come to realise horse ownership particularly those that keep ponies/horses out 24/7 are a seriously dedicated tough bunch of people. I will never ever complain or moan about the weather being too cold, wet and miserable and the woos of having to stay in now that I have experienced looking after horses in the winter.

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The Oracles

I’m feeling reflective today. I’m five months into living the dream. I’ve got through the first winter,  boy was that an eye opener and the ponies are still with me. What’s got me this far? The key ingredients include sheer grit, an “I can do it!”and “failure is not an option!” mindset with a good sprinkling of naivety (sometimes not having a clue makes you fearless). Most importantly this dream would never have happened without the support of good friends. So this post is about those individuals that have supported me right from the start. They don’t know it but I refer to them as The Oracles. Together they bring over 30 years of knowledge and experience on horse behaviour, care, handling and riding.  Let me introduce you to Stephen, Carolyn and Kim.
Stephen Yeardley

Started riding: 31yrs old
Owned horses: Piebald (Milburn) &
Jutland (Gallacher)
Competed: XC, TREC and Endurance
Trained: Both horses were trained at Westcourt stables in Pewsey and Stephen continued to train them following Gary Witheford’s method.

Carolyn Roberts

Started riding: 5 years old.
Owned horses: Loaned a pony (Mali) whilst in secondary school.
Competed: At small shows(working pony category) XC.
Training: Follows natural horsemanship.

Carolyn and Stephen were the first people barring Phil that I trusted enough to share my vision. For about a year I drip fed all my ideas (the sane and the wacky) to them.  To their credit, they listened patiently to my ramblings. Once the fostering option became a reality I bombarded them with endless emails, lists of questions on how to care and handle the ponies. Even though they were busy running their own business they always took the time to reply and offered solutions when things didn’t go as planned.

What they bring to the table is an understanding of natural horsemanship, an approach I also favour.  Fundamentally Carolyn and Stephen keep me grounded, they remind me that I need to enjoy the moment and to value just being with the ponies.

     Kim Macleod  

Started riding: 13-14 yrs then at 36yrs old
Owned horses/Ponies: Shetland (Eric), Welsh section A (Tom Jones), Irish Cob (Branston), Irish sport horse (Murphy) and Thoroughbred (Faith).
Competed: Sponsored rides, low level dressage
Trained: followed Monty Roberts in the past

Kim is my rock. She continues to guide me through this project, showing me the practicalities of looking after horses and managing my field. Kim has a wonderful ability to adapt to whatever situation in a calm way but in the same breath she doesn’t take any nonsense from me when I’m being a scaredy cat or when the ponies are being cheeky. She is the first point of call in an emergency and is definitely someone you want on your side. What I really appreciate is her approach, she has only ever suggested options, she has never made me feel small even though I now realise that I’ve asked her so many silly questions. She doesn’t dictate or swamp me with her beliefs for which I’m grateful as it has allowed me to find my way and make decisions that work for me.

The Oracles and I share a common goal which is our love of animals and the desire to make the lives of the ponies that come to live with me and my family as happy and relax as can be. I’m so lucky to have people like this around me. If you find anyone that can get you through difficult times, hold on to them and most importantly let them know how wonderful they are and that they are appreciated. In the words of Yoda ” Long way, kind words go.” (I’ll apologise now for the many film references and quotes that will feature in my blog).

The Oracles continue to provide me with a great source of strength. I don’t think they will ever know how important their advice, help and kind word have been and continue to be in pursuing my dream. Here’s hoping I find some more Oracles along my journey.

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Heartbreak




December 2016



Phil and I thought rather naively that having large animals would be easier.  Our thoughts were: they’re bigger, stronger so they’re unlikely to get ill. How silly were we. Only a month in and Joker escaped from the field. He must have eaten something he shouldn’t have in the neighbours garden and fell sick suddenly. The charity’s vet came and said he was very ill and the best thing for him was to put him to sleep. We were devastated. I hadn’t for one moment thought it was this serious. I couldn’t understand how he could get so ill so quickly.

Phil and Kim stayed with him until the end. I was stuck with the kids at the house. To be honest I don’t know how I would have coped in this situation, I was in bits from the moment I got the news. Phil said Kim was amazing, she talked to Joker, stayed calm and stroked him until it was over. I have never seen Phil’s face look like it did that evening. I hope I never do. 

The loss of Joker was devastating, we were not prepared for this. I don’t know how people cope, we only had him for such a short while and it knocked us for six. This raised doubts as to whether we were going to be cut out for this. This is something that goes through my mind everyday. 
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Here come the Pukka Ponies. Hip Hip Hooray!

With Kent facing a horse crisis I thought it would be easy finding a charity keen for us to foster horses. We had the land, the time and love to give, a win win situation for all.

 

A visit from a large animal charity looked promising but they declined our offer to foster saying the field was not up to scratch and they wanted the ponies to be stabled. We were puzzled, we had out buildings which were accessible from the field 24/7. Yes the field was not fully functioning but we stressed it was a work in progress and could see its potential. I felt disheartened by the rejection but Kim continued to search. Then two weeks later she came across a charity called Pukka Ponies, founded by Sarah Daniell.
 
We particularly liked this charity because it was small (a herd of 20), local and Sarah and her team showed resilience even after a recent arson attack. It seemed fitting to offer our support however small to a charity that was facing such troubled times.
 
On November 21st 2016, four Pukka Ponies arrived. Let me introduce you to the gang.

We pretty much left the curious ponies alone. A few weeks in and some of their characters started to unravel. Oreo was a cute little pony but don’t let that fool you. He was a cheeky opportunist, always wanting attention, looking for food or treats and trying to sneak through the gate when you weren’t looking. His party piece was knocking over my wheelbarrow full of poo and walking casually away from the crime scene. If he could laugh I’m sure he’d be in stitches. 

Peaches and Joker weren’t bothered by my presence which was quite the opposite to Troy (affectionately known as Troy Boy). Troy was a handsome pony but he always kept his distance and watched me with suspicion. Moving him between paddocks was a task, he’d give Kim and I the run around so sometimes we’d drop the taped fence to enable him to cross as this was quicker then trying to catch him. Troy’s nervousness and stand offish manner made him more alluring to me. I was determined to gain his trust but I had no idea how I was going to do it or how long it would take. 
 
 
 

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Fate

There have only been a handful of occasions when I’ve met someone for the first time and just known that we will be good friends. There’s something about them, what they stand for, what they say and do that I respect. This was one of those encounters.

In October 2016 our luck changed, through mutual friends (thank you Helga and Tim) we found Kim and Dean.

I’ve always thought of them as the Good Life couple (Tom and Barbara), if you’re old enough then you’ll know who I mean. They’re based in a field down the road and have horses, chickens, sheep, geese, bees and tones of experience.

Their love of all creatures and seeing how content they are just being with their animals is something I could relate to. What I especially admired was Kim’s willingness to help anyone, whether it was someone struggling to look after their animals or just facing difficult times.

So after showing them around the field and having the all important chat over a cup of tea we decided to join forces and foster some rescue ponies. Kim and Dean would oversee the whole project. As I had no experience looking after horses, I decided to take on the role of chief dogs body when I was able to help out. That night I think I chewed Phil’s ear off with horsey chat. I was once again trying to follow my dream. I was so excited, I couldn’t sleep.

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The Dream

Seven years ago Phil and I met, we got married and decided to move to the country, well sort off. We moved to the outskirts of a beautiful little village surrounded by farmland and a high street littered with antique shops.


Initially our plan was to find a property with an acre plot for a donkey (not sure why I was fixated on this animal). Anyway, what in fact we ended up with was a seven acre field and lots of big ideas. My vision was to have an animal sanctuary, Phil thought it would be great to race quad bikes or do some clay pigeon shooting. I was not impressed by his vision.

Nothing much happened for at least three years as we were busy extending our family. A dog called Rocky Rockstar arrived first, much to the cat, Boris’ disgust. Then came Nathan and Dylan. 

As if life wasn’t exhausting enough we (correction I) decided to dip our toes into fostering rescue horses. After the initial excitement, we realised there was a lot more to it than just sticking them in a field full of grass. Regular visits to top up water troughs, dealing with escapee ponies, flies, ragwort, poo, horse care and handling, the list went on and on. Our complete lack of experience, Phil being away for work, looking after two under twos and keeping on top of our kitchen renovation meant I had very little time to do anything with the horses. I felt way out of my depth so we had no choice but to send them back to the  rescue.  I was gutted, however, we did have some wonderful moments with them and their short stay left a lasting impression on me. I knew I wanted to foster ponies but I was now more realistic about my goals and expectations. More importantly, for this to work I needed to set up a support structure that would help me live my dream.

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Why I’m writing this blog

I’ve always been a big fan of volunteering so when an opportunity to help some rescue ponies arouse , I jumped at it. What was suppose to be my personal journey has now become our family’s journey not only into the world of fostering rescue ponies but to life in the country.

I’m writing this blog so that in years to come my husband Phil and I can reminisce about our successes and failures. Hopefully it will make us laugh and Phil will finally agree that all the blood, sweat and tears we’ve put into this adventure was worth it. 
 
I would like my kids to remember the fun they’ve had and realise that all the 6am starts, the digging, exploring (especially in the Gruffalo’s den), the berry picking, watching mummy endlessly poo pick and daddy building things in all weathers have helped shape them hopefully into becoming strong, brave and kind human beings. 

Finally, I hope if someone reading this is on a similar journey they can learn from our experiences. It would be great to hear your experiences and views on all that we’re doing. If you try out any of our projects please let us know how you got on, what worked, what didn’t and if you have any suggestions.  We’re always interested in learning new approaches and skills.